♥ BOONx

Friendship

2010-07-26T08:20:00.012+08:00

A friend will be there for you when things are good...
but a TRUE friend will be there for you
when things are good and also when things are very bad...
and just when it feels like you will never smile again...
she can put a smile on your face with just with a hug!

I've not posted in such a ~~long time~~, i don't really have the inspiration to blog about anything, anymore. I'm only updating via Facebook. Well, guess it won't hurt to update once in awhile. ^^ Life is like a big joke, everyone's laughing but idk what the joke is about. Problems either come one after another or they just come all at the same time. How i wish there's a single day i can just shut off my mind and not think about anything complicated. It's so tiring to live through the days like that. I'm grateful that i have such great friends to stand by me when i feel like just letting everything go. You guys ROCK MY WORLD. :D

This is meant for you:
Although we're not the way we used to be. Even though we don't talk as often as we did; we've seemed to have stopped talking altogether. Just remember i'm always here to lend a listening ear, just a listening ear and probably some good advice, nothing more. Don't turn your back on the people that are always around for the sake of one small moment. That's not the girl that i used to know. We're already like unknowns, don't let us become total strangers. I really don't wish to see a day when you turn around and find nobody standing behind waiting to catch you fall.

Open your eyes and really see.

快乐

2010-06-21T16:55:00.004+08:00

The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.

I've been watching this taiwan drama, 饭团之家, recently. It's about this family and how they lead their lives, it has all the problems of the average family and some parts are seriously touching. Darn, and i feel a connection. I can't help but wish my family was like that, so warm and caring. Maybe because it's due to the relationship between their family members, certain parts of the show are really saddening, ~~sometimes even tearful~~. I felt the most touching part was after 美香 found out 永德 had cancer, and 永德 apologized to 美香 because he felt that due to his sickness she'll have a lot of trouble. She said some words where i felt is really meaningful, although people would not like to accept it, it's a true fact.

This was what she told him:
我嫁给你我很快乐，我穷也快乐，我苦也快乐,
我跟你吵架都很快乐，我通通都快乐。
真正的快乐不是过好日子，或者是每天嘻皮笑脸很开心，笑到脸斗抽筋。
真正的快乐是藏在辛苦里面，没有辛苦哪来的快乐。

Without any hardships, you won't be able to appreciate the joys and the laughter, because there won't be any to begin with. Watching this drama changed my thinking at some point, i would like to take a step back and enjoy the moment again, like how i used to. Because i don't want to miss a single moment of it, not even the bad ones. :)

Pains of insecurity

2010-06-03T03:37:00.004+08:00

If I should die tonight and the reason remains unknown,
tell not the whole world, but the one I love that I died of a broken heart,

not because he loved me too little but because I loved him too much.

Love the quote. :)

There are times in life that you feel totally insecure, now is one of those times. No matter how much that person does, it's just going to rub off wrongly. You really want to put in all your heart and effort but every time you start to do so, there's this little voice at the back of your mind that says, "Hey, are you sure you want to do that? You're just going to get hurt in the end, it's not worth such effort. Forget about it.", and things like that. It's terribly frustrating to have a war in your mind every single minute of the day, to put it simply IT SUCKS. You scream out but no one hears your screaming, nobody can help you and you can only save yourself.

You'll wish you had better willpower, you want to overcome such feelings because inside, you know it's all fake; it's just made up. Actually, you KNOW what you want and how you're feeling, you just don't understand why you're thinking like that all of a sudden. Does anyone have an answer? Has anyone developed a drug or a cure for this? When you stop and think, you hate yourself so badly just for hurting the ones around you, the ones that you love so much. It's not regret, but it isn't worth it either because gradually it will just loosen the bonds among friends, that strong fire called Love will slowly extinguish. Nobody wants that.

If you're feeling this way, i pity you. If you're not, welcome to MY life. It's pretty fucked up. :/

Life just sucks, doesn't it?

2010-05-15T19:32:00.005+08:00

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says For the woman I love and the second, For my best friend.

Sometimes, things happen and they're totally beyond your control. Perhaps it was the choices you made, or the things that you did, maybe you could have walked another path, or choose another route. Life is not a game that you can save and restart if it f*cked up, you chose the route to take. We should always choose wisely and think before we make any decisions, because someone tends to f*ck you ~~up the ass~~ when you've turned around and not notice. That's what life is about, deal with it.

你答应我的我都记得
但是你却忘了你的承诺
不是说好彼此都不再联络
谁都别再犯错
是我的固执让你难过
但是分手却也无法选择
我走了以后
你要好好生活
不要想我也别再哭了

Last goodbyes

2010-05-01T04:54:00.004+08:00

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme,
and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change,
taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.

We sent Huimin on her final journey this afternoon. Looking at her face for the last time, i couldn't bring myself to turn away, i just wished i could stand there and watch forever. I couldn't help but silently telling her how wrong her death was, it should not have happened, she should not have gone so young. Especially not for someone like that, he doesn't deserve the amount of love that you gave him, even after death.

Not a single tear came to my eyes during the whole session. It's not because i was not sad, but my heart was filled with cold hate, so much so that my fists were clenched throughout the entire time. After the the body was cremated at Mandai, i was riding pillion on Brandon's bike, that's when the tears started to roll down. Honestly, i just wish to know that she's at peace right now, i'll be so much happier. Just thinking about the events today makes tears well up again.

All the sad faces i saw there, do you know how many ~~broken hearts~~ you left behind? Any idea how much ~~pain~~ it has brought on everyone? It was so not worth it. Please, EVERYONE: Before you want to do something like this, give me a call or send me a text first. Death need not be your last resort, i don't want to attend something like that ever again. :'(

YOU'RE MISSED.

Gone too soon

2010-04-30T03:22:00.002+08:00

The bitterest tears shed over graves are
for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

Rest In Peace, Huimin.

Some things are just too sudden to accept, and many people will never be able to accept a situation where death is involved. However, i've learnt that this is Life, you live to die. Death will come into our life at some point of time, there is no running away, there is no hiding from it. It is my belief that such things are fated to happen, if you avoid it, it will just turn around and come back to you. That's life and death. I feel everything is predestined. However, this.. This is too much, it was not worth it, not at all. You're so silly. You never deserve such treatment.

Imy. :'(

I attended a funeral of a friend for the first time today. I've attended many funerals, whether relative or stranger, close or distant. This is just different altogether, i never want to experience such a feeling again. Not once did i ever thought the bubbly you, the always smiling you would have done something like this. Life is really so fragile, why does it have to be like this? Dearest Huimin, you will always remain in our hearts, never to be forgotten, and loved forever. Do rest in peace.

Gone too soon.

NEW skin :D

2010-04-30T00:52:00.006+08:00

When two souls, that have shed their loneliness, embrace and melt into one; from out of loneliness, love is born.

Hihi, i've just updated and re-did the whole blog, this looks so much livelier than the previous one, it was looking so plain and dead. Thanks to Nana for her help on the skin. I'm still having some trouble it, but will try to solve everything soon for BEST viewing purposes. :)

Short update.

2010-04-29T21:13:00.003+08:00

Heelloooo. I'm back to give a short update, i'll try to update soon, but the sight of my blog disgusts me. I'm going to find the time to redo the entire blogskin soon, just doesn't fit the mood i'm in now. I've been so busy lately with nearly nothing to update about, so i've only been active on facebook. It's the usual cycle of work and sleep, it's killing me slowly. Plus my shoulder is hurting really bad, doesn't seem to be getting any better than it already is. It hurts to be just lying on the injured side, and it's already been how long, over a month? FML.

for you

2010-04-04T02:51:00.003+08:00

I'll be there to comfort you, build my world of dreams around you ; just call my name, i'll be there.

A special someone asked me yesterday, what type of guy am i, a boyfriend, a lover or just a friend. My answer to her was a lover, and she said she knew it. I never got to know what made her so sure that was my answer. Am i always so predictable? Sometimes, i feel i've always let you down. Whether as a friend, or something more than friends. It hurts to see you like this, when at times i seem to touch the real you inside. What i wanted to tell you was, you can lean on me. This post is just to tell that special you: whenever you need me, just call my name and i'll be there. Or at least try to be. ^^

End of the end

2010-04-04T02:18:00.005+08:00

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

I've been unable to update due to my busy schedule and health. I'll have lots of time soon. I was involved in a minor "accident" that dislocated my left shoulder, and am still in a world of pain, ~~some sort~~. It seriously sucked, lying on the hospital bed alone in the A&E with everyone walking around but me not being able to get up and do whatever i want. Totally regretted not ending it when i could, i blame myself for having such a terrible temper. :/

On recent events, i honestly can't stand there and watch someone i care about be treated like a piece of trash, i'm sorry to say that i'm not such a person. I find it impossible to turn a blind eye to something that will make him feel so hurt and lost. However, i admit that i'm not in any position to do anything about it, neither am i qualified to. If i am to step in, i would only make the situation much worse than it is. It's up to you to find the answer that you seek within your heart, the answer that none of us will be able to give you. When you find this answer, it is time to learn to accept what you choose despite any setbacks. This is the only advice that i am able to give you.

Think about it.

Pract 1

2010-03-15T08:58:00.003+08:00

A meeting between two beings who complete one another,
who are made for each other, borders already, in my opinion, on a miracle.

WEETS~ Managed to pass my first practical for class 2b, thought i had to retake because i actually got into a small argument with one of the instructor. It wasn't totally my fault because he gave lousy instructions. Luckily i still managed to pass, i really thought GG, and prepared myself to rebook for my pract 1. Especially after he shook his head and said, "I don't know what to do with you, you do whatever you want." OMFG. So lucky. Fyi, i didn't drop my bike as peg hoped for. XD

i need jerald to font my freaking helmet soon.

Beautiful scars

2010-03-09T07:38:00.007+08:00

Hate leaves ugly scars; love leaves beautiful ones.

You can never seem to explain that feeling, the one that feels the strongest, but the one that makes you the weakest. You deny everything that's associated with it but deep in your heart you still yearn for it. The above quote says it all, love may leave beautiful scars but a scar is still a scar, and it will always be. No matter how much effort and money it takes to ~~remove~~ it, it will still be there. Not for the world to see, but for your own eyes. I can only hope that this will be a beautiful one. ♥

Updates 06/03

2010-03-06T03:10:00.003+08:00

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

It's really been so long since we've sat down and spend the time chatting and "gossiping" away all our precious time, but the time was well spent than it usually is wasted doing nothing. I'm a simple boy, i'd never ask for anything much, just some time with her, some time with my dear friends, even both parts of the equation added together and we're at some kopitiam drinking coffee that may taste like shit, i don't mind. The time will never be replaced, not ever. :)

I seriously love you guys, i don't know what or where i'll be without all of you in my life. Know that you all may seem to play a small part, but you mean a lot to me. I &heart; all of you.

Took time with Brandon to register for my bike practical at CDC. The first step is always the most important to me, it starts the ball rolling. Hopefully i can clear it as fast as i should. I seriously need to have my PERSONAL transport, and not stick to ~~cabbing 24/7~~. It's gonna make life so much easier, so much more exciting. Not to mention cheaper too! LOL. XP

I miss you~

You you just you

2010-03-03T05:00:00.003+08:00

It's a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face,
when you've gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.

Gosh, i've been so busy. Cobwebs collecting in my blog once again. I'm not supposed to leave it alone for this long but i didn't have a choice. Considering my mood and my health, i would not have have been in the right mind to blog. I've been feeling extremely miserable lately, with extremes highs and very low downs. It's been like a roller-coaster, people telling me what i should and should not do because i've been so ~~irrational~~. Well, what should i be doing? I seriously don't know, because what i want may or may not be good for me at all.

Just take for example, i can't even truly smile anymore. Even if i'm celebrating or fooling about, even if i'm surrounded by all my great friends. Worse still, being surrounded by them and celebrating my birthday. I'll smile, for the sake of them, for the sake of fun, but not a truly happy smile. Except the moment i saw you, i smiled. I truly smiled. The best present i have ever received was you. I've never wanted something more. Even if it was for a few hours, it doesn't matter, being able to see you, to hear your voice, to feel your touch, that's more than enough for me. Smiling for a few hours can replace 21 years of my life, it's amazing, no?

It seems i've made you more important than you're supposed to be, trouble's brewing. All i want is still a simple life, just that it includes her now. That's what i want, and i've learned from life that you can't simply get whatever you want. Just a little more time, before i hopefully turn around and leave. Let me smile a few more times. I'm sure peg can tell, but she's choosing to keep her mouth shut. She's probably waiting for the "I told you so" moment. Oh, and she still owes me for throwing a can of beer at me (even if it was by accident).

It hurts to choose to let go of something that feels like it's the best thing in your life at that moment.

Picsz

2010-02-10T05:35:00.008+08:00

Careless

2010-02-09T07:57:00.002+08:00

The being in love is better than the falling in love.

I've got this uber big cut on my right calf, at least it doesn't hurt, it did, but not anymore. Got brushed on the side of a motorcycle license plate, it had those sharp edges. -.-" Can't believe i'm so careless, people are going to start thinking i have blood relations with PEGGY PANG (a.k.a queen of accidents) now. Which will totally suck because i really don't want people to think that way about me, it doesn't matter what they think about her.

Joking. :x

CNY is just around the corner, i don't think i'll have the energy to celebrate though, i'm wayyy too tired at this moment to even think about it. I only wish time can fast forward because i want reunion dinner! Both with my family and the "family". I just love our "family" gatherings, there's so much to hear and talk about. Although i'm no trying to be ~~kpo~~ (unlike peggy), but there's always some big scandal. Totally looking forward to it. Peggy, don't cancel last minute oh.

Baby never fails to put a smile on my face no matter how angry i am, ♥ her to bits. :D

who knows what the future brings

2010-02-08T09:44:00.004+08:00

Love seeketh not Itself to please, nor for itself hath any care,
but for another gives it ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.

Sometimes, you can plan for forever, plan far far into the future and sometimes, you'll see each other together in dreams just sitting together on a swing watching time pass, it just seems so right. However i realize what you plan or foresee doesn't always work out the way you might actually want it to be. What's most painful is actually letting go of this "dream" and not actually the person itself.

Is it rational to be wondering so much and is it really worth it to risk everything? What if you know that this "dream" can actually become a reality, that you can make it cometrue. Would you still choose to hang on to it, knowing it will work out in the end, but going through all the hurt to get there?

Is love really all our wants to satisfy our selfish greed?

poem-ed

2010-02-07T09:41:00.000+08:00

Poem updated.

The fool in me

2010-02-07T09:12:00.000+08:00

The bright light beams from her eyes. From broken glass or a broken heart.

I guess i don't know what to think, neither do i know what am i supposed to do again. It's doing the "right" thing and doing something i want. This time i wish someone would tell me what to do and i would listen for a change. I wish i'm a programmable robot. It's a shitty feeling, really. :/

Sometimes, fate has a cruel way of putting things together. Maybe it's better if people just ~~give up~~ when there's no point in fighting for something anymore. When the ship has finally sailed, only a fool would go after when it's already miles away. But sometimes, it's a lot better to be a fool to go after what we want and need, rather than to regret everything in the end because we never even tried..

Fuck it.

♥ s

2010-01-31T03:05:00.008+08:00

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the heart and soul!

Managed to take an off-day yesterday, so i'm getting a break from all the unnecessary stress that i'm caused daily and just chill with my peeps. So they wanted to catch Tooth Fairy @ illuma, but after some changes we caught a midnight movie My Ex @ PS instead. There were a few scares but i sat through half the movie before realising i watched the entire thing before only without the english subtitles. Peggy was the only person to scream at one point, i have no idea why nobody else did, but i swear i only heard her voice. LMFAO. I'm sure that will still be a laughing point for ages to come. :x

I'll like to say sorry to all my exs for any broken promises. PLEASE DO NOT COME BACK TO HAUNT ME. XD

So, i've been looking forward to it the entire week, it just feels normal to be with the peeps, as though everything's the way it used to be, like in the past, it just feels right. Although we all have our own path in life, it's nice to know that in some way or another, the paths merge to a certain extent. You guys are my life, thanks for always cheering me up, for always giving ~~good~~ advice, for being there for me when i'm down and for all the dumb nonsense. I ♥ all of you. :D

14 hours of shit

2010-01-28T02:46:00.002+08:00

If i know what love is, it is because of you.

Freaking glad i didn't get stuck in that ~~dumb~~ 14-hour operation. Thanks for all the texts and calls, don't worry i'm fine. Got caught in this vicious sleep cycle where i can never seem to get enought sleep, it's killing me. Gonna try to kick it. Everyone seems to be getting caught now, i better not be next. I'm a good boy! :/

my own

2010-01-22T17:49:00.003+08:00

The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.

Tired, paranoid and paranoid, pretty much freaking out right now. This sucks. Plus there goes my "Quit Smoking Plan". :/

4 pack and still counting.

Falls

2010-01-21T17:25:00.004+08:00

It is very hard to say the exact truth, even about your own immediate feelings -
much harder than to say something fine about them which is not the exact truth.

Woke up today because of a phonecall, someone's sick, so i brought someone to see a doctor. LOL, that sounds SO weird. My entire body seems to be aching at every possible spot, must be falling sick myself too. Who wants to volunteer to bring me to the doctor's when i'm sick? Joking, i can go to the doctor's on my own, i'm a big boy now. :D

Met mummy at her workplace yesterday, had lunch at this mini hotpot place, it was okay. Just like a steamboat but you have your own minipot, nothing much about it. While we ate, we had a long talk on basically everything that has happened. I really miss going home, "home" being someplace i can call my own, something that is 101% totally me. Perhaps someday, i'll find my way back home, i really do hope so.

Fucking stressed, 2 packs 24 hours and still counting. :(

Unlucky #1

2010-01-19T16:57:00.011+08:00

Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.

This has got to be the most unlucky day of 2010, at least i'll have it early in the year. ^^ I've got this small but deep cut on my middle finger which i thought was nothing. Right now it feels as though my entire finger is about to drop off, and it better not. Maybe just a slight infection, i think. Then i got caught in this biggest of big rain in the night, and i have no choice but to walk around in it. The umbrella only covered my head, the rest of me got completely soaked. Wtf. :(

You act as though nothing's happened.

Anger management

2010-01-17T22:54:00.005+08:00

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we
don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

I wish i had better control of my temper, than it'll make everything much easier. Cos' i feel it disrupts my life and affects those around me, especially those that i ~~love~~. As they are closest to me, they are usually on the receiving end of the my wrath, i feel so bad when everything has ended and i've cooled down. I need a change. :(

Gosh, i'm missing you so much.

Colours of a rainbow

2010-01-16T11:05:00.009+08:00

Love, like a river, will cut a new path Whenever it meets an obstacle.

Hello~! I did say i was gonna "spring-clean" my blog, so i also decided to get a whole new blogskin. Comments please! From now on, my blog 's will have to be much more colourful because the background is black and white. It's okay, gives me more reason to spend more time on my blog and to blog more often too, it's killing two birds with one stone. I know i've been neglecting my blog recently, so i'll try my best to update more often okay? I promise! ^^

Things have been pretty hectic recently, there's been ups and downs. Actually more downs than ups. I'm hoping that by shedding my old skin (both the blog and myself), i'll be able to face the new challenges ahead, and this time i know i won't be facing it alone. Because i ~~may~~ will always have you beside me. 不要让我失望> oh, because "Talk is cheap!" (quoted :D)

Although i should admit, trust can turn out to be a very very hurtful thing. I know.. :/

It's a little late for New Year resolutions, but i always think that it's better late than never. This year, i'm going to make a point to put in major effort to make my resolutions come true and not give up halfway. It may seem like a big obstacle to overcome, but i'm not going to let that dampen my spirit. I didn't say i was going to talk about my resolutions on my blog. Peggy's gonna say something like, "See! Sip-sip again. Faster tell me!" Typical peggy-ness. :x

Read: She's such an idiot, but shhh! don't tell her i said that. ^^

The very last section of my blog is specially reserved for you, it'll be changing often so do read it before it's gone. There will be no certain timeline that it remains there. Maybe i 爽 i change it after one or two days, or it could last for the entire week or two. I warn you first okay, if not you'll say that i bully you again. It may not be from me, but hope you can feel the words come from my ♥. I can't remember exactly where i heard this poem, but i liked it the very first time i heard it. Hope you like it too. :)

Grounded ship

2010-01-15T01:04:00.004+08:00

I can't help feeling so lost and unsure about what to do,
usually by now, i've came up with a plan A and a plan B.
but it's totally blank now. first time, being so damn lost.
can't you see what this is doing to you, and even me too?
i seriously hope you know what you are doing this time..

You mean so much to me. I just wish I could tell you now but I would never be able to find the words without breaking down.

dying blog

2010-01-12T17:19:00.005+08:00

I'm having a terrible nose-block now, and the weather's not helping either.
i've been so busy recently, barely even using my phone at all. total wastage.
i won't be online often, so if there's anything important, please text or call.
i'll find time to update again, but definitely not today. i know, spiderwebs. >< Nevermind, cny coming soon. i'll spring clean my blog too. keep checking in!

I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path.

no updates yet

2010-01-01T10:06:00.001+08:00

Sorry for not updating, i'm busy.

Angry angry!

2009-12-22T07:33:00.003+08:00

Nuts, my temper has been at an all high 101% this week.
I've blown my top at 6 people and whacked 2 people,
how bout' that. It's so bloody happening that it sucks..
and i hate always feeling so moody and temperamental.
miss having that special her to always calm me down.
shall have to learn a new way to remain peaceful. ^^

Meditation in progress: OOhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Festive-less mood

2009-12-22T07:16:00.002+08:00

Today i took a look at my calender and it's 22nd.
wow, Christmas is really just a few days away.
i don't seem to be able to find the festive mood,
means no enjoying and partying the night away.
it's strange how i wish i could have a quiet holiday,
being a party-animal and a happening person. ^^

Perhaps it's just me, or perhaps it's you. LOL.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

You

2009-12-20T11:56:00.005+08:00

Love seems like diving into the deep sea.
when you swim too deep, it's hard to come back up.
but if you're too shallow, you get all the rough waves.
so what choice should one make?

Being friends is so much more simple, and simple is good.
sometimes i think about it and still heart you. :/
it should have remained like that from the start,
we, no i made a wrong choice..

Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love.
But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person
how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.

you can't understand ^^

2009-12-20T08:16:00.002+08:00

Roo piang wah tum praw ruk
tum praw ter tee ruk gaw paw
tur keu ruk tae keu jai duang diow tee raw
mai aht yaum sia tur pai
mae roo wah tum praw ruk
sing tee tum ja rai reu pid ka nai
chun yoo doie kard ruk mai dai
hai tum pid tow rai chun kong taung yaum

安靜

2009-12-20T08:12:00.002+08:00

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
睡著的大提琴
安靜的舊舊的
我想你已表現的非常明白.
我懂我也知道
你沒有捨不得
你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著我
也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪
我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份
包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多
我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開
我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份
安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你
是因為我太愛你

moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.

work sux

2009-12-18T08:09:00.003+08:00

I'm getting fed-up with working like this, it's uber tiring.
It's not as fun as it should be, it's not as entertaining,
it's getting boring, having to see other's black face.
i wanna get out soon, i'm SICK OF IT. :/

Ooh, I can't go any further than this ; Ooh, I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish.

I wanna know what love is

2009-12-17T09:07:00.004+08:00

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me.
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me.

In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is.
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

show me

I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is..

Nothing hurts more then waiting since I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore.

unlucky me

2009-12-17T08:05:00.005+08:00

This must be an extremely unlucky week for me.
I have so many things to do and so little time,
i sprained my ankle badly just the other day,
i got caught in the rain 4 freaking times today.
and i've been so tired i didn't remove my lens,
i just fell asleep the moment i hit the bed..
actually for the whole week, not just yesterday. >.<

And I've figured out all that's said and done, two is better than one.

booboo #1

2009-12-16T07:12:00.001+08:00

Ooops. made a super big booboo today. LMFAO.
can't believe i made such a mistake, and i'm not silly, okay!

If all else perished, and she remained, I should still continue to be;
and if all else remained, and she were annihilated,
the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.

craps

2009-12-15T05:35:00.005+08:00

I'm sick again.. I wonder when i'll recover from this flu?
plus i sprained my ankle badly, it's freaking swollen. :(
WTF is wrong with my luck!

What is a valid reason for someone to love someone else? Since apparently I’m doing it wrong.

when to watch

2009-12-14T10:45:00.003+08:00

Gotta catch New Moon before it ends, just realized i haven't watched it.
♥ said she'll watch it with me if i really wanted to, if i really wanted to..
i don't see why i shouldn't catch it anyway, it doesn't make a difference.
shall get the date set soon, i'm sure i'll regret if the screening ends. :D

I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them.

smiles

2009-12-13T10:13:00.003+08:00

I miss feeling so happy, always smiling and laughing,
even work has seemed to become a chore to me now.
i used to have people asking me why i'm so happy,
and now people ask me why my face is so "black".
it's just not the same without you here anymore..

I'll still have to smile. ^^

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible.
Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.
It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

to that special you

2009-12-11T23:10:00.004+08:00

I know and that's why you don't want to hurt me? ^^
Silly dumbdumb..

It’s not right! I don’t want you to have to make sacrifices for me.
I want to give you things, not take things away from you.
I don’t want to steal your future.

sticks and stones

2009-12-10T07:07:00.004+08:00

Perhaps different people relate to different things differently,
some people believe in love-at-first-sight, Edward and Bella.
but i personally admire Jacob, so i support Team Jacob, ftw!
and he's confidence, loyalty and cheerfulness is utterly amazing.

Not everyone can still choose to love someone so much,
knowing that her heart already belongs to someone else,
he did his best, knowing how things will come to an end,
that there will be absolutely zero chance that it'll succeed.
he still chose to love her and protect her. :)

They're like the friends of fairy tales, never in real life,
as if such kinds of friendships will never occur in our lives.
Bella definitely loves him much more than a friend should,
put yourself in his shoes, it'll hurt like hell in your heart.
he's someone worth admiring.

Of course, Bella Swan is meant for Edward cullen,
and i would not even dare to dispute that theory.
but who doesn't wish to be an Edward?
sometimes we don't have such a choice.

It just stings, it doesn't hurt no more.
sticks and stones can break my bones,
but words can never hurt me. ^^

I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back.
I won’t put you through anything like this again.
You can go on with your life without any more interference from me.
It will be as if I’d never existed.

support team jacob

2009-12-09T08:17:00.006+08:00

She's my bella.
At least she's happy. At least she's alive and well.
I love her enough that I want that.
I want her to have what's best for her.
But I just don't want to stick around to watch.

We'll always be just best friends.

I’m just here to be your friend. Your best friend, one last time.

numb-ed

2009-12-09T07:52:00.004+08:00

I clearly enjoyed our chill session, the wine had helped me to relax,
even if it lasted only for a few hours, it was enough to get me sleep.
sleep that i definitely needed, especially after not removing my lens.
think it was slightly less than 48 hours with my lens in my eyes.

Had dinner with Peg and Yaya at Da Chang Jin, steamboat + BBQ.
didn't really eat much, just bits of food here and there, not hungry..
my appetite hasn't been really good since i've been losing my sleep.
Jerald and Fifi joined us to head down to east coast for drink session.

It's been a long time since we all sat down together to chit chat,
we've all been so busy with our own personal lives and work.
it wasn't an all out drinking session like Peg and i used to do,
just a bottle of wine to chill and relax, to calm down and talk.
the date has been set, we're looking forward to the next round.

I really like the numbness that it gave, removes all the hurt,
but once it wears off, all of it just crashes back down on me..

I don't wish to talk about it anymore, it's already over.
no point bringing up such stuffs. Peg always guesses right.
i'll never succeed in hiding anything from her. idiot. :(

Update the pictures when i get them. ^^

You’d think I’d be used to telling you goodbye by now.

so true

2009-12-07T09:00:00.001+08:00

The human heart knows thing the eyes cant see,
and feels the things the mind cant understand.
but if love is just a word, then why does it
hurt so much when you find it is not there..

& still imy. :(

You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to things you don't want to feel.

numb me

2009-12-07T08:23:00.005+08:00

There's nothing left for me to say, peg was right after all, ~~again~~.
and to think i actually put so much thought in it from the start.
it's was truly stupid and silly of me; you would say i was dumb.
i've actually forgotten the very first rule, the most important one.
so i guess there's nothing wrong in paying the price for forgetting.

i was so naive to really think that we'll make it through the times..

Looking forward to drinking session later, just chill and relax.
hopefully i'll get just drunk enough to forget some things,
things that i don't wish to remember, that i want to forget.
it'll numb me right down to the core. it better.

I'll still say the same thing:

I hold it true, what e'er befall;
I feel it , when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment love begins, but we always recognize the moment it ends?

falling

2009-12-06T07:24:00.002+08:00

There are so many things i wanna say, just feel like shouting it all out.
but i've learned that not everything can be done our way, all the time.
i can't seem to find anyone FREE at the moment that i can confide in,
talk and talk and talk more, and expect them to shut up and just listen.
it feels like it's going to burst out at an unexpected moment..

I hate this kind of feeling. :/

Thanks for pulling me back up and letting me fall again.

One of the hardest things you'll ever have to do is stop loving someone because they've stopped loving you.

River flows in you

2009-12-05T11:10:00.002+08:00

I promised to love you, everyday of forever.
This I swear to you, I love you.
Without you I would die, this I know is true.
You stole my heart and I wont ever let you go.

Go to sleep my little one, you are so precious to me.
You are safe in my arms, safe from any harm.
You are heavens gift to me, there is nothing to fear while I´m here, now close your eyes and dream...

You are the most beautiful soul to me,
you never see yourself as clearly as me.
While you sleep, close holding me, I´ll tell you a little secret,
that your dreams will only know:

I loved you when I first saw you. I vowed to never let you get away, sometimes when I stay I hear you call my name.
Only to hear it in your dreams, one day I´ll ask you to be with me.
But until than I dream eventhough I can´t sleep...

You will never understand what you mean to me.
You are my life before I was lost.
And as I see you sleep now I let you know somehow:
Saving you saved me, my heart is yours to keep.
Now sleep...

sighs

2009-12-05T10:27:00.002+08:00

I'm stressed,
i'm tired,
i'm sleepy,
i'm depressed.
and i'm needing you right now.
really truly badly.
baby, please come back.

It's hard to end love with someone, but it its harder to love someone when is not the same love you started with.

For the record

2009-12-04T08:38:00.003+08:00

Good luck to me~ I'll have to go for ? (unknown) hours without any sleep.
so let us see how long i last this time and if i'll break my very own record,
and how long i'll be out when this is all over. i'm gonna freaking hate this.
hope i can complete everything really quickly and maybe i'll get to rest.

One can not truly experience the beauty of love without enduring the pain that comes with it once it is lost.

inside a girl's mind

2009-12-02T08:06:00.004+08:00

A close friend told me that's how girl's are, they make decisions last minute.
she said baby probably decided that this is not what she wanted for herself.
and she told me about a relationship that she thought was absolutely perfect,
but that didn't turn out the right way in the end..

Are all girl's that fickle-minded? :/

Can you imagine, that feeling of opening your eyes when you awake,
to see the person you love lying by your side, still deep in her sleep.
there's total silence and you can hear each and every breath of hers,
you'll wish that time froze, so you'll be captured in that moment forever.

Now i wish i didn't let you go that very first time. wish i held on tight.
so, finally i've found my second regret in life. W-O-W.

New Moon opens in cinemas tomorrow, will i watch it with an empty seat?

Love that we can not have is the one that last the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

wastage

2009-12-01T08:30:00.003+08:00

I realize i spend tons of money when i'm extremely moody.
that's not a good thing, but no harm pampering myself right?
it's not my fault, my phone was spoilt, what perfect timing. :)
stupid fine! could/would have gotten something more expensive,
but i still have a 1000 bucks fine to clear in two freaking days.

i need a drink and i need it badly, PEGGY PANG~ :x

We argued, we fused, we turn our backs and walk away, but we didn't say goodbye..

my superglue-d smile

2009-11-30T12:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it hurts knowing that i'm acting as if nothing happened,
to me, to keep dreaming would seem better than facing reality,
because i'm waking up knowing i won't see your text in my inbox.
perhaps you've loved me too much, cos it feels so different now.
you're stubborn, once you've made up your mind, i can't change it.
that's why i'm not gonna try. babydan, i still love you. ^^

imy.

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to.
Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care.
Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

smile-d

2009-11-27T10:38:00.003+08:00

I don't really feel like updating, but i've just decided to do a short one.
cos' i'm not really in the mood to update at all, i don't feel the necissity.
the spaces between my fingers won't fill the way your's filled mine again,
and i'm sorry i couldn't be there, cos' i'm never free when you need me.
god, i still miss you so badly when i'm try to act as if nothing has happened.

The silence isn't so bad, 'til i look at my hands and feel sad
'cause the spaces between my fingers are where yours fit perfectly
And i'll forget the world that i knew, but i swear i won't forget you
oh, if my voice could reach you, back through the past,
i'd whisper in your ears, oh darling, i wish you were here.

imy.

Don't say we're not right for each other, the way I see it, we're not meant for anyone else.

it's you

2009-11-23T10:20:00.003+08:00

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

time goes by

2009-11-23T09:54:00.003+08:00

Time is passing ever slowly, it seems to freeze altogether.
it really sucks spending such times with nothing to do at all,
but lazing around and FINDING things to complete or start.
it sucks.

imy

2009-11-23T09:50:00.002+08:00

The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being
with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase.
This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing;
it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it.
It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.

Even though there may be times it seems I'm far away; never wonder where I am 'cause I am always by your side.

you're like a star

2009-11-19T05:35:00.002+08:00

Gosh, Paranormal Activity sucks to the max. why don't i feel afraid? -.-"
screw the part about wasting my ~~money~~, it's a big waste of my time!
only thing that wasn't wasted was the time spent watching with babydan.
and to think it's rated NC16, i really expected some scare, but nooo.
"Please make sure your partner is 16 or above to watch this movie."
W-O-W.

To those who intend to watch the movie, please think twice, even thrice.
because i totally feel it's not worth it. i won't say i was cheated though,
i just didn't get scared shitless watching the movie. it was supposed to..
cinema is seriously lacking in horror movies on ghosts and scary things,
it's been a long time since i've gotten a scare. i'm still waiting for one. :/

However, it didn't stop babydan from gasping at some parts of the movie.
she claims it's not scary, just shocking. than why get scared when i disturb? :x
plus, joke of the day. someone mentioned about a "tampines poly(technic)".
incredible, didn't know they built a new poly so quickly, shall go check it out.
hey, wait~! there's no tampines poly, it's TEMASEK poly.. LMAO.

Wanting to be with you is like trying to touch a star. You know you'll never accomplish it, but you just keep on trying.

mine :)

2009-11-17T00:30:00.003+08:00

Babydan promised that she'll watch Paranormal Activity with me.
said that she won't watch with her friends first. awww, so nice right?
i really feel i don't deserve such attention and affection from her. :/
she never fails to put ~~crap~~ into my day to make me smile to myself.
people sometimes think i'm crazy, because i'm always smiling away.

Oh, she's surely, definitely, confirm-ly watching New Moon with ME.
thinking back, it was the Twilight series that gave us so much to talk about,
it's surprising, that there are quite a few things which we have in common,
stuff that we can do together, things we can enjoy in each other's company.
and it's not really easy to find someone that you can relate with nowadays. :)

You're loved, my babydan. ^^

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.

spending vs wasting

2009-11-12T23:50:00.004+08:00

Fine, i admit that i spend money like water flowing from a tap, so what?
i like spending money, no point earning money that you cannot spend.
anyone else have a problem with my spendings? LOLOL. just joking. XP
caught an elmo for luv, only because she wanted the one she saw at ws.
she claims i'm wasting money again. i don't think that's wasting money.
even money spent on her is considered wasting money, that's ~~nonsense~~..

I love her and that’s the beginning of everything.

court sentence

2009-11-12T22:27:00.003+08:00

I can't believed i got fined freaking $3,000 for such a stupid thing.
really made me feel super cheated, you guys are ~~legal~~ cheaters.
the government is going to be damn rich if they keep this up longer,
this is practically daylight robbery, only you can't be arrested. why?
because you ARE the law. that totally sucks, wish i'm the government.
it's dumb because i ain't trading 3 weeks of my time for 3000 bucks,
no f-ing way is that ever going to happen. not now not anytime soon.

You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally disturbed, physically-abusive, cold, dead hand.

soon, sooner, soonest :x

2009-11-11T07:29:00.004+08:00

i'll update as soon as i can alright? about everything that's happened.
there's probably too many things to fit into one short post, so wait..
i miss baby, and she's loved. :)

Don't say you love me unless you mean it because I might do something stupid...like believe it!

itcha

2009-10-30T09:40:00.006+08:00

ECP

2009-10-30T09:27:00.003+08:00

Went down to ECP to get some R&R, decided to try my luck. >.<

and my luck sucked, i donated 50 bucks to the catching machines
but in the end the total number of toys we caught went up to 9.

because we found out we could use the jackpot machine to win too.

and that's why we went home with a bunch of uneaten sweets.

i still have a whole box full of those damn sweets, left in the corner. =/

at least we had fun. shall go back to catch another round of toys,

and this time i'll only be on the jackpot machine, bloody money cheaters.

Botak @ SGH

2009-10-30T09:19:00.003+08:00

I know i haven't updated a lot recently, so i'll take the time do it now.

i've not been doing much this past month, because i'm so damn busy.

visited Mr.Botak in the hospital, doctor said some kind of gastric problem.

practically stayed at the hospital for half the day just entertaining him.

imagine a guy with numerous tattoos complaining about needles, pussy. =P

and i'm too lazy to blog about it, but i went through a lot of trouble to get in,

the H1N1 checks are seriously hardcore, could say i sneaked into his ward.

only 2 people are allowed to visit each patient at a timei was the third. =x

i'm just glad he's all better now, it's time consuming to go all the way to SGH.

my Luv

2009-10-30T08:50:00.003+08:00

Why do you always appear to me in my dreams,
only to disappear the very moment i reach you..
what's the point of me being able to only see you?
i miss you, Luv. and perhaps i really do love you.

Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.

hmpf

2009-10-28T00:14:00.001+08:00

I want to go to the Night Safari for the Halloween Horrors!! =/

updates soon

2009-10-27T16:01:00.003+08:00

i don't really know what i'm supposed to do now,
i'm terribly afraid of making the wrong choice again.
and most of all afraid of hurting someone that i love.
i doubt that time will make everything right this time.
updates soon, just food for thought. =/

thanks for the ring.

me to you

2009-10-21T22:06:00.004+08:00

The dazzling light of daybreak,
spirits away the shadows of these precious days we share
if i could but reach out and hold it in my hand,
if only i could grab hold of "today" and never let go,
for i would trap these moments
and repeat them over and over again for all of eternity
as though they were sands within an hour-glass.

You're like a drug; when you're with me, it's a high. When you're not, it's a low.
And even though I know you'll hurt me in the end, I still need you.

aimless

2009-10-18T05:07:00.002+08:00

I find myself listening more closely to the lyrics of Officially Missing You,
and whenever i'm not doing anything, i'll be humming the tune of that song.
though it sounded odd to me at first, it's growing on me each passing day.
maybe it's because i find the lyrics to be more meaningful than i thought?
or perhaps that's what i'm ~~feeling~~ at this point of time, i really don't know..
feelings and emotions are stupid things, they make us weak. =(

I wish that you could be here to guide me once again, but you're the problem.

Those that are most slow in making a promise are the most faithful in the performance of it.

randomness

2009-10-16T22:04:00.003+08:00

I must learn to love the fool in me
the one who feels too much, talks too much,
takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often,
lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt,
promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.

a broken promise

2009-10-16T21:31:00.002+08:00

My blog is now opened again, please don't ask questions alright?
i just needed some time out, some peace and quiet from everyone.
going through some changes in life where i don't want any advice.
i made a wrong choice from the start, i'm trying to correct it now.
those who know me should know once my mind is made up, it's done.

But i'm feeling much better now~! =)

Sorry girl, i don't want to remember and i choose not to remember.
whatever promise we made together, it ended the day we broke up.
i've changed, so have you. even after 2 years, i've failed to see that.
don't bother going there, don't bother to wait. 211111 i won't be there.
take it as if i'm the one breaking the promise, it's not your fault.

it's me, not you..

The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present.

dai-yin mai

2009-10-16T21:07:00.005+08:00

chan roo ter ror chan ror fang kam nan sak wan
chan roo chan man rang deung dan mai yom poot maa
chan kae kit yang mai teung way-laa

chan roo waa wan wee man glaai att ja saai gern bpai
mae poot dang kae nai glaai bpen mai mee poon fang
chan mai roo ter yoo nai tee saen glaai

dai-yin mai dai-yin mai bphroht fang waa chan rak ter
ter ja yoo nai yoo soot faa glai piang hai ter rap roo
dai-yin chak bok ter mai waa kon kon nee rak ter
nee ngai kam waa rak tee ter ror fang dai-yin mai

perng roo nai dton nee way-laa took-wi-naa-tee
roo seung nai dton baang kam tee saen sam-kan
poot wan nee meuan ter nan yoo saen glai

dai-yin mai

You know what these lyrics mean, you should know what i want to say,
just remember that i'll still be your guardian angel, no matter what.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

my gemstone

2009-10-12T21:18:00.005+08:00

You've always been my pillar of strength this past few years,
the thing that i always looked to when i'm in the lowest mood.
and i always thought that you were the one that will be there.
but it seems that i've thought wrong, because that's not true..
i forgot that people change, and as they do so does their hearts.

The things you told me, i will not forget a single word that you said.

There are things people do that they may ~~regret~~ for their entire life,
however, it's not in every situation that we may make amends for it.
out of 20 years there is only one thing i regretted doing, and i still do,
and sadly, this is also one case that no matter how much i do, it's no use.
guess it's time to put it at the back of my mind, for now and forever.

Very few gemstones are beautiful, but sapphires are the nicest of all.

If I could go back in time and fix all the mistakes I made, I wouldn't because it has made me who I am today.

officially missin' you

2009-10-11T00:14:00.003+08:00

Hmm...
Ooh...ooh...

All I hear is raindrops falling on the rooftop
Oh baby, tell me why'd you have to go
'Cause this pain I feel it won't go away
And today I'm officially missin' you
I thought that from this heartache, I could escape
But I've fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way And today I'm officially missing you

Ooh... can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do, hey, baby
Said it stays on my mind And I-I'm officially...

All I do is lay around, 2 years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all, I don't know you at all

Well, I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say, baby, safe to say
that I-I'm officially missin' you

Ooh... can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do, hey, baby
Said it stays on my mind And I-I'm officially...

Well, I thought I could just get over you, baby
But I see there's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way to let go of you

Ooh... can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do, hey, baby
Said it stays on my mind
And I-I'm officially...

It's official
Hoo, you know that I'm missin' you, yeah, yes
All I hear is raindrops, oh, yeah
And I-I'm officially missin' you

my last goodbyes. =)

Within you i lost myself, without you i find myself wanting to be lost again

stressed out

2009-10-08T23:47:00.004+08:00

Gosh, work is giving me much more stress than i ever hoped for,
it's not suppose to be this tiring, never imagined that it would be.
one of these days, i'm going to give myself a well-deserved rest! =x
i'm tired, i'm sick and i'm very very extremely pissed right now.
i feel sorry for the fucker that pissed me off, god please help him..

ter kong mai taam chun eek waa chun ruk ter reu blao
siang hua jai gor siang hua jai hai kam dtorb bai laew

when will the next chapter of my life begin, i won't be able to tell.
there's way too much on my mind to think about so many things,
another ~~broken heart~~ will be the very last thing i will need now.
then again, there's someone to hold you up, when you're falling,
and i thought that person was you. guess i thought wrong..

Don't let doubts lose the magic of love, because it's not everyday you meet someone who has the magic to let you fall in love.

the risks of love

2009-10-06T22:12:00.009+08:00

I have a question for everyone today, please reply to my tagboard:

"Should one put his heart and soul into a relationship that may not seem stable?"
due to the fact you can never predict what might happen in the nearer future,
whether it will turn out good or bad, whether it will last or simply break apart?
because in such situations, only time will tell what the ending of the story will be.
should such a risk ever be taken, knowing that both parties may come out ~~hurt~~..

So what say you? yes or no, and if it's possible please state your reasons. =)
i found an interesting quote today, it may sound very far-fetched at first,
but i found it to be rather true after giving it some thought; i'm like that too..

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.

it's all in the past

2009-10-05T08:41:00.002+08:00

When our story has been written down, our lives walk on different pathways,
and our paths will probably never meet or cross again.
We might have different dreams, and we might have a new direction in life.
i'll keep you in my heart, and i'll never forget.

Tomorrow goes on, from this moment we'll just be strangers,
I'll look at you for the very last time with sadness.
How can i control myself from thinking of you,
and not think of the times before when we were in love?
How did we come to an end like this..

Tomorrow, we might just be past lovers.
Be the people who were once in love, it hurts inside.
And tomorrow, we might turn into strangers.
Be only old flames, just someone of the past,
these words don't please my heart, i wish they did.

True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.

is it ever enough?

2009-10-05T08:14:00.002+08:00

i wonder when i'll be saying my last goodbyes, it's pretty soon i guess.
time has a bad habit of creeping by slowly, crawling at a snail's pace,
but speeding up when you least expect it and you're not at all ready.
that's what life is about, time just flies when you're enjoying yourself.
i'm only able to cherish the time that i have right now, enjoy it first,
because when everything has passed, i'm sure i'll be a different person.

ni chan yang di mai pho
rue thoe mai pho sak thi
thoe chueng khit ti ja plian
lae klap ma rak
khae chan piang khon diao

once again, i'm not translating it into ~~english~~, just a "silent" expression.
it's more like a for me to know, but not really for you to find out basis,
i just wish to express it, not directly to you, what my heart's screaming.
all i ever knew was that i cared. no, it's not a typo, it's in the past tense

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.

suntan and burnt

2009-09-26T10:03:00.010+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates, i've been damn busy recently. too busy.

anyway, these are the recent photos from the last yew keng on 26/09.

went with Mr. Ice Cream Botak all the way to hougang with zero sleep.

i've grabbed all these photos from http://www.hoddermelvin.multiply.com/

because i didn't even have the time to take any pictures at all, i was busy.

and i also got totally sunburnt just from sitting at the back of the lorry.
my skin is still two different colours now, which totally sucks. =/

& i'm finally learning to let go..

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.

You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.

the countdown begins

2009-09-25T04:51:00.004+08:00

Hmm, less phelgm but more dry coughing, is that better or worse?
whatever, as long as i'm rid of that ~~sticky mess~~ that's in my throat.
everybody seems to be falling sick nowadays, flu bug or H1N1 again..
i'm bored, i'm sick, i want to be in bed the whole day but i can't.
being sick sucks big time, i seriously hate that lethargic feeling.

3 more days left, wonder what will be the outcome. =(

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness

sick again

2009-09-24T02:11:00.002+08:00

Damn, i'm sick again. the phelgm in my throat is so thick.
i think it can be used as super-glue, it sticks to anything.
it feels so uncomfortable, wish i could sleep the whole day.
as 28 September draws closer, i start to get more anxious.

someone please pray that i don't wipe my ass and squat inside. =P

nothing much to update today, just ate porridge with frog-legs.
but didn't have much of an appetite today, so ate very little.
and i'm starting to get hungry again. =/

When I look at you my heart skips a beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have.

khit theung maak

2009-09-23T07:31:00.002+08:00

I've always thought this road ahead will be much ~~easier~~ without you,
but perhaps i'm more wrong than i have ever knew, i've never tried.
i will never know how much difference it will make to have you here.
and i will never have that chance too, i wished you never appeared.
no matter how painful, i know i'm still missing you. khit theung maak.

'baby' will never belong to anyone else in my dictionary again.

nap-chak-wai-ni chan-tong-khem-khaeng
re-wang-khon-thi-rak-rao rue-wa-rak-khrang-kon

Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.

fear

2009-09-21T02:01:00.004+08:00

I'm really starting to get a bit scared of myself,
sometimes the wrath just bottles up too much.
it's frightful, not being able to be in control.. =/
wonder when i might kill someone by accident.

but i'm still loving it. =P

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

imy

2009-09-19T12:18:00.002+08:00

hmm, out of words at the moment,
just by seeing your pictures again,
every memory of you just flooded back.
it's really hard not to think about it.
i'm still a little too not over you. =(

Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly
realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.

a love triangle

2009-09-18T05:30:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, it's best to be on the outside looking in.
because you'll be able to see everything much clearer.
and then, you start to think about the past and the future.
what do you wanted and what you actually want now.

perhaps things are better this way, it's fated isn't it?
youwere there when i needed someone to talk to the most,
and now you're gone, when i've finally climbed back up again.
but is my life really the way i want it to be now..?

khon-neung-khao-chang-di-kap-chan
cha-thing-khao-long-yang-ngai
khon-neung-koei-thing-pai
tae-rak-mai-khoei-chang-hai
chan-mai-chai-chao-ying-chak-nai
ko-kong-tong-lueak-sak-thang
thang-thi-rak-sak-sao-tong-chop

found something that i might be able to connect to,
don't ask me to translate, it means too much to me now.
peggy should be familiar with it, if i'm not wrong. =)
i'll just leave it the way it is, how it's supposed to be.

WHERE IS MY EIFFEL TOWER?! *RAWR*

A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone's face.

sad sad day

2009-09-15T00:59:00.002+08:00

24 hours of lock-up was really terrible, i don't like it,
what made it worse was a room full of CID, sickening..
maybe i don't feel any fear in going in again, numb-ed me.
however, if it's something that i can avoid, i definitely will.

hopefully, i'll still have chances to update my blog as often.
because i doubt i'll be anywhere close to a computer,
for a very very long time. so please pray hard guys!

didn't expect you to know about it too.. =/

It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it is the little differences that make them interesting.

my stand

2009-09-10T07:24:00.002+08:00

remember to smile and always be happy, because i'm smiling for you.
you're probably the only one i'll smile for and will ever smile for again.
but even though you're special, it doesn't change the fact that ~~i'm hurt~~.
and there's nothing you can that can make me or anyone else deny it.
peg, you're wrong. i'm sure i'll be able to stick to my decision this time.

Don't you dare remember me when she finally forgets you.

dreaming is bliss

2009-09-08T00:17:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since i had last heard her voice, i didn't recognize it at first.
or perhaps my mind has already learned to block out all the ~~pain~~ in my heart.
sometimes i wish that i can just forget who you are, even for an hour or two.
but the image of your face, the sound of your voice, the feel of your touch,
they still burn so strongly in my mind. i can't seem to erase any part of it.
i truly wish never to wake and feel the pain again, let me dream forever..

Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized,
but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured.

the one that knows me best

2009-09-05T05:28:00.006+08:00

i miss having you around, the one that knows me best.
just want you to know you're really missed by me. =)
regret making my decisions and not keeping you here,
given a second chance, i would have made you stayed.
because i know that i'll be happier that way, for sure.

i still remember that you told me once in your letter,
that if you ever leave, promise that i'll get you back.
is it ever too late to late to get you back?

True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.

forget about me

2009-09-05T01:25:00.005+08:00

You said it wasn't Gonna be like It was before
Then it happened again Pushing me back Out the door
Thought it would be For real this time
Love me forget About the signs
So now what do I do Now, that I know That we're through

Wish that I Could move on
Can't let go It's too strong
Just like that And then you're gone
Is this how You wanted it to be
Everything you had to say
Sent the tears Right down my face
Now I'm trying to escape The misery

Why don't you love me The way I loved you
It feels so crazy Cause I dunno What I did to you
If you're gonna hurt me Then do it quickly
Cause I'm tired of cryin' If you don't wanna Stick around
Then, baby Forget about me

Too late, sorry
I didn't even Have the chance
You said you were happy
Baby I don't understand
Gave you everything You asked for
And was ready To give you a lot more
I would've given you The world
Right in the palm Of your hand

Boy My heart was true And that you can't deny
Don't be a fool And walk away From all the ~~lies~~
It's up to you Cause heaven knows I've tried
Tell me You're still in love Yeahhhh Ohh

Forget about me
I really loved you...

I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand.
So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground.

changes

2009-09-05T01:04:00.004+08:00

OMFG, i now swear i will never never drink again.
the fucking hangover is enough to make me think twice.
and even after the entire day has already passed by,
i still feel totally horrible, it's worse than being sick.

i can't remember the number of times i puked my guts,
but i recall there was lots of water and it was non-stop.
i'll probably die of alcohol poisoning someday, alcohol ftw.

i seriously feel there's no topic for our conversations.
so there's no point to be texting at all, ~~wasting my time~~.
and i hope that you're happier the way you are now.
cos there was no way that i would have treasured you. =)

Someone can walk into your life and it is not until after they walk out that you realize that they were even there.

dance flick

2009-09-03T06:14:00.004+08:00

I want to go watch this show! pleaseee, i really want!
seem like some kind of comedy, i think.. i still want!
prority seats next to me opened for booking now. XP
please call for more details! first come first serve basis.
while stocks last..

I know i've given you the ability to break my heart into a million peices,
but never in my life would i have ever thought that you'd actually do it . .

stressssed

2009-09-02T20:00:00.005+08:00

So many things seem to change in a blink of an eye,
a short moment, and everything disappears so quickly.
sometimes, i just can't comprehend all that's happen,
perhaps i need to pay more attention to everything.
and pay less attention to you. 한국어 =)

Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn't think you wanted.

no doctors!

2009-08-31T23:08:00.002+08:00

OHMYGODDDD, i am so freakingly bored right now.
for some reason, everything is moving in slow motion,
and my head is really hurting like crazy as i type this.
and here i am wondering why? LOL. XD

okay, i admit i'm still sick~!

and please, everyone stop asking me to see a doctor now.
i'm not willing to go and wait and eat the stupid medicine.
yes, many "ands" because that's what it is, troublesome.
i repeat, i'm not going to see a fcuking doctor, thanks!
not now, not ever. =D

Your fake smile is really deceiving, i wonder what your real smile could do.

my girl

2009-08-31T02:22:00.004+08:00

I seriously wonder what i'm doing with my life,

no aim, no goal, no nothing. just plain nothing.

that's so unlike me, always over-confident me,

with all the back-up plans in the whole world.

where did i go so wrong? it's you..

because i'm always checking in, to see your smile,

to see that you're happy and living your life well.

why am i even still doing all these, i don't know..

and i always have the answers to questions. always.

so how can i not know?

just finished with a korean drama someone lent me.
it was totally funny at the start, i laughed non-stop,
but at there was a teary end to the story, quite sad.
and they went through so much just to reach there.
of course, it's a drama so there's a happy ending to it!

when will there be a queen to MY heart..

Every time I see her all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding,
and I am painfully aware that I am not over her and she is over me.

sick of me

2009-08-30T00:59:00.003+08:00

Someone said something today that made me laugh,
conversation went towards the upcoming art prelims.
so i asked what she was going to do for the art prelims,
and she replied "drawing lo". duh, i know that too. =P
what a stupid answer for such an itelligent question!

where's my eiffel tower?

i'm probably down with a bad case of flu. a very bad one.
and i've been stuck in bed the entire day, it's been so boring.
for a minute it's freezing cold, the next it's burning hot.
i'm feeling extremely terrible right now, i'll rather die. =(
who wants to be nice and come take care of me?

glad that you've forgotten me, luv. it's better that way.
that's because i'm not worth your love and concern.
you're too young, i don't wish to see you get ~~hurt~~.
there are some things that i just can't seem to let go yet.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

is that love?

2009-08-27T22:24:00.004+08:00

What is love? love is when..
you can't stop thinking bout them
when u see them or hear their name your whole world lights up
when they smile, u smile ; when they laugh, you laugh ; when they cry, you cry
you feel what they feel when they never leave your mind
when u go to sleep smiling because of something they said or did earlier that day
when you look at them everything turns right
when you touch them u get that feeling
what is love? love is all of the above..

but is that really true?

You wondered how you'd make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you.
Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me?
Sometimes the only thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see.

보고 싶어요

2009-08-26T23:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, it's really frustrating when you think,
that there are many things that you cannot control.
i utterly detest such a feeling, i like being in control,
in control of my life, of the things that happen to me.
i hate feeling so powerless to do anything at all. =(

What keeps us alive, what allows us to endure?
I think it is the hope of loving, or being loved.
someday, i will find such a hope again..
보고 싶어요

The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned